Category Archives: Personal experiences

My thoughts and views

The moment I regret the most in my life.


St. Augustin High School, Sector – 11, Nerul, Navi Mumbai. My school versus the home team. All the players and our coach are tensed. Net in this volleyball court is 4 inches higher than the net at our school where the team had practiced. This is a first match of the knock-out inter-school volleyball championship. Scoreboard reads 4-15.

There I am standing with my 6’2″ tall body, beside the court with other team extras. Coach walks to me and orders, “You playing at Anand’s”.

“Are you nuts? Anand is the captain”, I tried speaking but words wouldn’t find the way out.

I often see myself playing on the net, easily blocking smashes, placing a few myself, scoring points for my team in that very match. No, not in the dreams, but in bright day light when I am thinking about it. I wish I had said yes that day and had not frozen to death with the thought of Playing-in. At the captain’s position? For an Extra this was too much to believe at that moment.

No need to mention, we lost. And we lost badly. My coach nor anyone else spoke to me about that incidence after that. After that, till date I have never tuned down any opportunity to play Volleyball. Be it picnics, free lectures during my graduation or annual competitions, I have played them all. But whats the use. You don’t play inter-school championships everyday. The moment I regret the most is passed and cannot be re-lived and changed.

It was evident, we would have lost in any case, me or not me. What did I think when I said no? I was scared to lead a losing team? I did not have any glory in past to lose with that match. I was mere an extra. No it wasn’t the fear of losing. It was just a fear, fear of playing. I was not ready. After weeks of practice of being an extra, it was very difficult for me to go in.

Me going in and bringing in the victory to us would have only been possible with magical wand. Well, without me also the victory to us would have asked for the same wand anyways. May be that is why the coach wanted to experiment? Was it a test for me for the upcoming tournaments? If I had played even on an average level, I would have had a chance to be ‘in’ for the next tournament? May be that would have been a start? Start of a new Me. More confident Me. ‘Bring it to on’ attitude Me.

Not that I did not have that start later in my life. But then it would have been earlier, much earlier.

One thing is for sure. I will not be able to forget this incidence in my life. And that is what now makes me never say a no for any challenge.

For now that I know, what worse can happen is, I’ll lose. But after all, not trying is the worst of it all, isn’t it?

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Aal Izz Well, Aal Izz Well !!


One more year is nearing its end. Once again there is this excited wait for the New Year. This is my second New Year with this company. Last year as an internship trainee, I had almost celebrated the New Year here in office itself. Well, I said almost because we left office at 11:30 PM and I was still in the train when the hands passed over 12 in the clock. Still it was better than my last b’day when I was in office till 4:00 AM. I wish I can leave office somewhere in the evening this 31st.

It may sound weird and then impossible (especially in my company), but my New Year resolution (about professional life) is to bring down my Average Working Hours from 12 to 9. Parents feel bad that I spend more than 14 hours away from home. My November salary slip says my AWH is 11:59 hours. It felt good to see that “11” instead of 12.

I generally reach home by 12:00 or 1:00 at midnight. I eat alone in the kitchen quietly, not wanting to wake up the other (sane) members of my family. Next morning I fight a war with time to catch the 10:17 local, which is the last hope for me to reach office before 11:15 AM.

After the first two times I got half day remarks, I started coming directly at 1:55 PM every time I was sure of getting a half day. After 2:00 PM you are marked absent. Well, it really feels dumb to get late by 5 seconds or a minute, work for 13 hours 20 minutes on the same day and lose half a day of leave. I wonder if the salary of half a day can be cut for coming later than 11:15 then why isn’t the same amount credited for working overtime.

Thankfully my balanced leave are still in positive. But that’s another problem. Since the first week of December, I’m wondering when I will finish these. Well looking at long list of new developments for my project, I did not apply for leave. These 9 pending leave weren’t less for me that 3 more complementary off`s got added for working on Sundays. Well I’m still consoling myself saying that my situation is good compared to a few colleagues who have 6 or more leave surplus to the limit of 18 leave which get carry forwarded to next year. If we are burdened with so much of work that we don’t even get to finish our quota of 24 paid leave then why aren’t the surplus leave allowed to be redeemed in cash?

I had found a solution to this pending leave problem. I had started coming half day. This way I was finishing my leave and work both. But this method looked foolish as I realised that working for more than 9 hours on your half day is not a good option.

Yesterday I learned this new word, Perquisite. I was reading a news article in TOI. It said that IT dept. (read as Income Tax) is planning to also tax the perquisites given to employees. I wondered if the Parle-G or the saw dust (Neutrine Choice) I order for snacks every evening will be taxable too. I was discussing this term, perquisites, with my friends from the same industry. One of them sighed and said that he doesn’t have this evening snack funda at his company. What merely he gets is a Medi Claim or occasionally (say bimonthly), things like tickets from the clients for stupid movies.

Another friend was proudly telling about his 5 days week. Yes, he has all Saturday’s off. His company has US based clients. I tried finding solace thinking that most of the clients for my company are from UK or Australia.

Everyone around me nowadays is excited/ tensed about appraisals. Everyone is hoping for good increase in salary this time. May be I’m being a monk and not keeping any expectations. I just sometimes, when at home, open my offer letter and read the line where it is written that I’ll be getting an assured bonus (the word assured looks good to my eyes).

I’m getting this weird feeling inside. All I could think of doing is patting my chest and say, “Aal Izz Well, Aal Izz Well”.*

Hey! It kicked me inside the tummy. No it’s not what you are thinking. It’s just that its 4:00 in the morning and I’m simply waiting for this upload to be done on the live site. It might be that I’m hungry again or maybe it’s the leg piece of the chicken tandoori, we ordered for dinner, which is upset.

P.S. Please take this as a pure work of fiction.

* The lyrics are copyrighted with 3 idiots, a Vidhu Vinod Chopra production.

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